第三部分 寻求真理

古谚云：“有志者，事竟成”。这正好符合我的情况。退休后不久，我对自己的生活厌烦起来，开始感觉到内心的空虚。就象《圣经》中所罗门说说的那样，“空虚复空虚，万事皆空”（见传道书1：1）。我的“理想”生活最终不是那么理想了。我需要更多的一些东西，需要那种成功所不能带来的满足感。

有一个冬天，我去南加州旅游。我的一个邻居斜靠在后院的栅栏上，邀请我去格雷斯社区教堂。我便决定去了。教堂里的约翰·麦克阿塞牧师作了一个题为“检查你自己是否忠实”的布道，他从《圣经》中读了下面这一段：
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凡称呼我主阿，主阿的人，不能都进天国。惟独遵行我天父旨意的人，才能进去。当那日必有许多人对我说，主阿，主阿，我们不是奉你的名传道，奉你的名赶鬼，奉你的名行许多异能吗？我就明明的告诉他们说，我从来不认识你们，你们这些作恶的人，离开我去吧。 （马太福音7：21-23）
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在我年少时，父母每周把我带到主日学校(指星期日对儿童进行宗教教育的学校)，甚至给我施以洗礼。童年期间我偶而还读了《圣经》，并被引导进去，相信我自己就是一个基督徒。我深信因为我知道耶酥基督的“真实故事”，我终有一天会进入天堂的。但是这次，当我听到麦克阿塞牧师所读的话时，我感觉象是什么东西刺入了我的心脏一样。“这就是我！”，我开始思索，“我将成为他们之中的一员，念着‘主啊，主啊，我相信你是谁，我去了主日学校，我父母甚至还让我做了洗礼啊！’”。在我内心中，我知道耶酥会回答我，“你从不关心用你的生活和你的音乐来使我荣耀。你只关心你的农场，你的鳟鱼小溪。离开我，我不认识你！”。就是在一刹那，一个可怕的瞬间，我意识到自己还不是基督徒。我想我虽有信仰，但是我的生活方式完全是自私和叛逆的。（我曾设想，我需要一个救世主把自己从地狱中救出来，但我从不想到我生活中的主，一个我应当去跟随他，信仰他，服从他的主。）

那天晚上，我辗转反侧，反思我的罪过。我意识到我的生活完全迷失了。我生活得太自私了，这并未使我快乐。知道我是上帝面前的罪人后，我向上帝祷告，乞求他宽恕我。就是在那时，我要求耶酥进入我的生活，当我的主，做我的救世主。我第一次记着告诉上帝，“在我生命里，不论你要我做什么，主啊，我都会去做的”。

第四部分：为上帝的荣誉而演奏

我对基督新的信仰使我强烈地渴求阅读《圣经》，学习上帝更多的话语。一天，我读了从《哥林多候书（Corinthians）1》中读到了这样一段：“不管你做什么，都为上帝的荣耀而做”（1 Corinthians 10:31）。这时，我知道仅有的两件事该怎么做：一是抛饵钓鱼，第二是弹吉他。后者看来是最佳选择和追求。伟大作曲家巴赫说过：“我所有音乐的目标和最终原因什么也不是，只是为了上帝的荣耀”。巴赫给他的许多作品都标上了S.D.G为开头，代表Soli Deo Gloria（即荣耀献给唯一的上帝）。我想，既然巴赫把他的能力都用来追求这个目标，那么至少能以上帝给予我的能力和天赋去做，而不管是什么样的能力和天赋。很明显，上帝要我重新回去弹吉他，但是这次弹吉他有了不同的目标——为了使我的上帝及救世主基督耶酥荣耀。

在我决定回来继续弹吉他后不久，我卖掉了蒙大纳州的农场，回到了加州。起初，当我联系到我在纽约地前经理人时候，我感到后悔末及。他淡然地告诉我，我抛弃了一个很有价值的职业；经过了四年的缺席，要能重新回到音乐会舞台，即使可能，那也实在太难了。我知道，所有的事情都是按照上帝的意志安排的，只有上帝的恩惠我才能重新回到音乐职业生涯。而上帝一直很慷慨的！自从我返回了音乐世界，我已经和祖国的每一个主要的管弦乐团都演奏过，在无数次音乐会中周游列国，甚至曾经在美国白宫为总统演奏！

安德列斯·塞戈维亚是我成长中的音乐灵感的激发者，我仍然需要跟随他留给我们的优秀音乐传统。然而，我生活的真正目标现在是成为耶酥基督优秀而忠诚的仆人。我的职业只是终结这个目标的一个手段而已，这个终结手段是，用我的生命、用我演奏的音乐去使上帝得到荣耀。追求这个目标给我带来了极大的快乐和满足；离开了我多年的满足感已经找到，我曾经经历过的空虚感一去不返了。

原文：

Part Three

There’s an old proverb: “Be careful what you wish for, you might get it.” Well, that was the case with me. Soon after retirement, I became bored with my life and began to feel empty inside. It was like Solomon said in the Bible, “Vanity of vanities! All is vanity” (Ecclesiastes 1:1). My “ideal” life was turning out to be not so ideal after all. I needed something more, something to provide the fulfillment my success wasn’t giving me.

During one of my winter visits to Southern California a neighbor leaned over the backyard fence and invited me to Grace Community Church. I decided to go. John MacArthur preached a sermon entitled “Examine Yourself Whether You Be in the Faith,” and he read this passage from the Bible:

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Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity (Matthew 7:21-23).

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Now, when I was a young child my parents took me to Sunday school every week and even had me baptized. I had read the Bible occasionally during my boyhood and had been lead to believe I was a Christian. I was convinced that because I knew the “facts” about Jesus Christ, I would get into heaven one day. But, as I listened to the words that Pastor MacArthur was reading I felt something cutting deep into my heart. “That’s me!” I thought, “I would be one of those who would say, ‘Lord, Lord, I believe who You are. I went to Sunday school. My parents even had me baptized!’” In my heart I knew that Jesus would answer me, “You never cared to glorify Me with your life or with your music. All you cared about were your ranches and your trout streams. Depart from Me, I never knew you!” It was in that sudden, terrible moment I realized that I was not a Christian. I thought I had faith and yet my lifestyle had been characterized by total selfishness and disobedience. (I supposed I had wanted a Savior to save me from hell, but I had never wanted a Lord of my life whom I should follow, trust, and obey.)

That night I lay awake, broken over my sins. I realized that my life was a total washout. I had lived very selfishly and it had not made me happy. Knowing I was a sinner before God, I prayed and asked Him to forgive me. It was then that I asked Jesus Christ to come into my life, to be my Lord and Savior. For the first time, I remember telling Him, “Whatever You want me to do with my life, Lord, I’ll do it.”

Part Four

My new commitment to Christ gave me a great desire to read the Bible and learn more about the Word of God. One day I read a passage from 1 Corinthians which said, “Whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31). Well, there were only two things I knew how to do: one was fly-fishing for trout, and the other was playing the guitar. The latter seemed the better option to pursue. The great composer J.S. Bach said, “The aim and final reason of all music is none else but the glory of God.” Bach signed many of his compositions with the initials S.D.G., which stands for Soli Deo Gloria (to God alone the glory). I thought, If Bach could use his great ability for that purpose, that would be the least I could do with whatever ability or talent the Lord had given me. It became evident that the Lord wanted me to return to playing the guitar again, but this time with a different purpose—to honor and glorify my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Shortly after making my decision to return to playing, I sold my ranch in Montana and returned to California. Initially, I had a rude awakening when I contacted my former manager in New York. He told me flatly that I had thrown away a very valuable career and that it would be extremely difficult, if not impossible, to return to the concert stage after a four year absence. I knew that all things are according to God’s will and that it would be only by His grace that I would be able to return to a professional music career. The Lord has been gracious! Since my return to the music world I have played with every major orchestra in the nation, traveled the world on countless concert tours and have even played for the President of the United States at the White House!

Andrés Segovia was my musical inspiration growing up, and I still desire to follow with excellence the musical tradition he left us. However, my true goal in life now is to be a good and faithful servant of the Lord Jesus Christ. My career is only a means to an end, and that end is to glorify the Lord with my life and with the music that I play. Pursuing that goal gives me great joy and contentment; the fulfillment which eluded me so many years ago has at last been found and the emptiness I once felt has gone forever.